In life, waves come. Some big – some small. Most of us do our best to control, avoid, deny, and distract ourselves from the waves. But they come. And when you’re adjusting to life with a new baby, oh boy, the waves definitely come. The “waves” being those really difficult moments where you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and full of self-doubt.
Every mother has those moments. Rewind and repeat. EVERY mother has those moments. They are hard, messy, and, often unexpected. They are the moments you don’t see on Facebook or Pinterest, and they are rarely talked about.
So waves happen, and if you’re wondering what to do when the waves come, think “surf .” Ride the waves of mamahood with confidence + skill…and a love for the ride.
Here are a few simple tips that can help you ride the waves of mamahood, and with enough practice {thankfully, mamahood gives you lots of opportunity to practice} you’ll be surfing with confidence, and knowing you can handle whatever waves come your way. Heck yes!
Breath deeply. Your breath can be your most effective tool in reducing the frequency and intensity of those difficult waves. Taking a slow, deep breath is like hitting the pause button. It’s an opportunity to respond to the waves from a calm and centered place rather than a reactive one. Your breath is always there for you. Ready to serve you. Use it wisely.
Check in with yourself throughout the day. What do you notice? What are you feeling? What are your thoughts telling you? Are you holding stress and tension in your body? Where? Paying attention to your emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations allows you to notice when the waves may be building. It’s when you notice your negative thoughts, for example, that you have a choice. And choice = power. You can choose to believe the negative thoughts {hint: they are just thoughts. Not truth} or you can choose to let them go, and then create thoughts that are loving, kind, and helpful to you. As busy mamas, it can be difficult to pay attention to our inner world when our outer world demands so much. Find a way to remind yourself to pay attention, or to check in.
This can be a tough one. We all get caught up in how we think things should, be or how we want them to be. Waves become much greater when we resist what is. We’ve all been there. Desperate for baby to sleep, it’s not happening, and ohhhhh, the frustration grows by the second as we shhhh, bounce, sing lullabies, etc. When we practice acceptance, the waves can be way more manageable. We don’t get tangled up in the waves, rather, we can accept the waves and let them go. We can’t change the wave, but we can change our response to it.
Remember this – every experience is temporary. There is a beginning, a middle,and most importantly, an END. Waves do not last forever. Whew!
This is a biggie. DO NOT give it all away. Most mamas are guilty of giving, giving and giving some more until they are depleted, exhausted and sometimes even resentful of the constant self-sacrifice. For most mamas, the habit of putting the needs of others before their own was well-established before mamahood. Old habits can be hard to break. As a mama, breaking this habit is a must. You absolutely, positively need to save some of that sweet love you give your babe each and every day for yourself. You can’t surf when you’re depleted. Set boundaries. Say no. Let go of the desire to keep everyone happy. Remember what’s important. You are important. Give yourself permission to love, accept and nurture yourself as a necessity NOT a luxury.So what does giving to yourself look like for you?
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